Psychosexual therapist Lauren Muratore indicates that infidelity often stems from opportunity and a partner's need to avoid uncomfortable conversations, rather than solely from fading love or commitment. Muratore suggests that when circumstances align, even individuals in stable relationships may engage in infidelity.
Reasons for Infidelity
Muratore states that infidelity can be triggered by opportunity or by unmet needs within a relationship, such as feeling unseen, unheard, or undesired. She explained that cheating does not always signify a desire to end a partnership but can be an attempt to avoid difficult discussions or emotional disruption. Ending a relationship is often perceived as more challenging than engaging in infidelity. Muratore noted that individuals may avoid breakups because they are difficult, or they might not wish to end the relationship, even if they seek emotional connection elsewhere.
Forms of Infidelity
Workplaces and online platforms are common settings for infidelity, according to Muratore. She specifically mentioned "cyber infidelity," which includes sexting or developing emotional connections with individuals online, sometimes across different countries or with people never met in person. The increased accessibility of the internet and social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook has expanded avenues for meeting others, contributing to the prevalence of online infidelity.
Public Reaction to Infidelity
Muratore suggests that public outrage seen on social media regarding cheating scandals may be a form of projection. She speculates that individuals may have personal experiences with infidelity, either as the cheated-on party or the cheater, influencing their strong opinions. Online platforms also allow for expressing opinions without direct consequences or extensive debate.
Recovery After Infidelity
Despite common beliefs that infidelity ends relationships, Muratore states that many couples choose to remain together, with some successfully rebuilding stronger partnerships. Infidelity is not always a deal-breaker.
Approximately 50 percent of couples who seek therapy can recover from infidelity.
Successful recovery depends on accountability, honesty, and both partners' willingness to reflect on the relationship's dynamics. Muratore noted that recovery offers an opportunity to establish a better relationship and understand mutual contributions and areas for change.
The recovery process can be emotionally demanding and painful, potentially involving trauma and PTSD for both parties. It requires significant healing, recovery, apologies, sense-making, reconnection, and the rebuilding of intimacy.
Steps for Moving Forward
If infidelity involved a person who remains in one's environment, such as a co-worker, Muratore advises ending that relationship. An apology process, which she describes as in-depth beyond a simple "I'm sorry," is crucial.
Rebuilding trust is identified as the most challenging and time-consuming aspect of the recovery process.
Muratore cautions against taking breaks in a relationship during this period, as breaks can often lead to breakups and counteract the effort required for repair.