Grace Cong Sui: Navigating Two Worlds of Parenting
A Chinese mother living in Los Angeles spent two months in Qingdao, China, with her daughter, discovering stark contrasts between her independent parenting style and the hands-on approach of her extended family.
A Solo Approach Meets a Collective Tradition
Sui, who has been raising her daughter without nearby family in the US, had relied on parenting books and her own methods to guide her decisions. In China, however, her family provided extensive childcare, but their approach differed significantly from Sui's practices.
The Key Differences
Feeding and Independence: The family’s methods—such as feeding the child and interrupting independent play—contrasted sharply with Sui’s focus on fostering self-reliance.
Attention vs. Autonomy: Sui noted that her daughter enjoyed the attention and family environment, yet Sui sometimes felt her parental role was undermined.
The Lingering Influence of Upbringing
After returning to the US, Sui found herself feeding her daughter, an action she had previously resisted in China. This led her to reflect on the powerful, often subconscious, influence of her own upbringing.
A New, Integrated Path
Sui now aims to integrate aspects of both cultural approaches in her parenting, seeking a balanced style that honors her child’s need for independence while embracing the warmth of family support.