The Toll of Caregiving: A Daughter’s Unwavering Commitment
Lori Bufka, 64, a former college professor, is caring for her 88-year-old mother with dementia in Arizona. Her mother moved from an assisted living facility in California to a trailer near Bufka's home due to increasing costs.
A Sudden Shift in Plans
Bufka is an only child who retired to a tiny house in Arizona with her partner. Her mother had been in assisted living for over seven years, costing about $4,700 per month—a figure set to rise to $5,200. With the mother's savings nearly depleted, she was slated to be moved to a dementia unit housing four other people.
Bufka decided to bring her mother to Arizona in November to provide care at home instead.
The New Living Arrangement
The mother now lives in a 700-square-foot trailer purchased for a low five-figure amount. The cost was split: two-thirds came from her savings, one-third from Bufka's. Monthly rent for the trailer space is just over $500, and utility bills range from $70 to $200 per month.
Caregiving duties are split between Bufka and her partner. The mother is in hospice care; a hired home health aide became too expensive ($92 for two hours due to mileage), so hospice volunteers now visit irregularly.
Bufka has not traveled since November and cannot be away from her mother for more than three hours.
Daily Care and Safety Modifications
The mother is somewhat independent: she can dress herself and manage her day. Bufka brings breakfast, leaves notes, and checks on her throughout the day, while her partner cooks all meals.
The trailer was modified for safety: the bathtub step was lowered, railings were installed, and an electric stove replaced the gas one.
Technology as a Lifeline
Technology bridges the care gap:
- JubileeTV system allows remote control of TV channels and includes a camera to monitor the mother.
- Blink cameras are used to check for falls.
- Smart plugs from Alexa allow remote control of electronics.
- Google Live Transcribe app runs on a laptop for communication.
Bufka checks on her mother three to four times during the night and frequently during the day.
Background and Ongoing Challenges
Bufka's mother developed dementia and received scam calls, leading to her phone being turned off. Hospice covers medically necessary appointments, but the emotional and physical demands of caregiving remain constant.