Jennifer Wallace on Finding Purpose Through Connection and Contribution
Jennifer Wallace's book, 'Mattering: The secret to a life of deep connection and purpose,' introduces a compelling path to finding life purpose. It proposes that this journey begins with building social ties and engaging in everyday actions that support others.
Wallace states that the fundamental human need is to feel valued by others and to add value back to the world.
The Core Human Need: To Matter
Fulfilling this intrinsic need has significant benefits. Studies indicate it is linked to improved overall health, including lower rates of depression and anxiety, and a reduced risk of suicide.
Wallace emphasizes that this does not require grand gestures but can be achieved through small, daily interactions.
The Power of "Small p" Purpose
Interview subjects for the book frequently cited minor events as moments when they felt they mattered. Examples include a colleague checking in or a neighbor providing support during illness. These are what Wallace refers to as 'small p' purpose actions.
These small acts can include:
- Helping an elderly neighbor.
- Supporting a struggling single parent.
- Acknowledging colleagues' contributions.
Such actions are reported to create a reciprocal sense of value, benefiting both the giver and receiver.
Building Deeper Connections
Wallace also delves into the 'beautiful mess effect,' a psychological concept with profound implications for relationships.
Sharing vulnerabilities during hardships can strengthen relationships and increase authenticity.
She advises against shying away from sharing difficulties, as this can unexpectedly bring people closer.
Furthermore, Wallace suggests actively accepting and issuing invitations, particularly when navigating difficult life transitions such as new jobs, family loss, or relocation. Seeking advice from those who have experienced similar situations and engaging in social invitations can foster connections and support during challenging times.
A Daily Practice for Purpose
To cultivate a sustained sense of purpose and worth, Wallace recommends a simple daily 30-second practice:
Reflecting on 'When did I feel valued today and where did I add value today?'
This practice is designed to conclude days with gratitude and an enhanced sense of self-worth, reinforcing the importance of connection and contribution in our lives.